gthing (gthing) wrote,

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Trying (yet again) to shift my sleep schedule backwards without success.


In the following story, I will clearly label each successive failue, for ease of the reader in understanding my level of frustration.

Yeterday my "check engine" light (1) came on.  I stopped by autozone and had them pull the code.  The result was "cylinder 4 misfire," a problem I had dealt with last summer.  Today I decided to clear the code to see if it came back up again.

While I was under the hood, I thought I would investigate a little further.  I pulled out the spark plug to make sure it looked okay.  To do this, I have to remove one of the coils that covers it (don't worry, you don't need to know what this stuff is for this story).  The spark plugs looked fine, so I put everything back together and went to screw the coil back in place.

About 5 rotations into securing the bolt, it (2) broke off INSIDE MY MOTHER F'N ENGINE BLOCK.  After cussing a bunch and throwing tools around (and maybe beating up a little kid, I can't remember), I took a closer look at the problem.

The bolt was still sticking out a bit, so I decided to dremel a line into it and basically turn it into a screw.  My dremeling work was beautiful, but as soon as I put a screwdriver to it, it (3) broke apart and left me worse off then I was before.

I decided I would need to "tap" the bolt out.  This basically meands drilling a hole through the bolt, shoving something into the hole, and then backing the bolt out.  (4) Not having all the neccesary tools for the venture, I hopped on my skateboard and headed down to ACE hardware, about half a mile away.

(5) Springville roads suck, and cannot easily be skateboarded on.

Got to the hardware store, found the tools, got back.  I went to drill a hole in the bolt and the drill bit I just bought (6) broke immediately upon touching the bolt.  I tried again with the same result.  I checked the packaging the drill bit came in and confirmed that they are made for METAL.  Apparently this bolt is adimantium.

Jake could see the steam coming out of my ears, so decided to intervene.  He got another (mo betta') drill bit and drilled the hole for me, and then turned the project back to me. 

Now was time to use the tap, which I had never used before.  I followed some instructions I found on the net.  basically you just screw the tap into the bolt, then unscrew the bolt.  but wouldn't unscrewing the bolt just unscrew the tap?  Well, I didn't have a chance to find out, as the tap (7) broke off inside the bolt, (8) rendering all previous work a waster of time, and (9) the situation hopeless. 

I threw around some more tools, cussed at some nuns, and slaughtered a goat. 

Finally I decided that I can live without the bolt in question (well, it's not the best idea, but I give up...).  Screwed everything back together, reconnected my battery, and got in my car.  I turned the key and it (10) exploded in a theatrical fireball, consuming Jake, myself, and our house.  Investigators later concluded that the fire was caused by foul-play.

Okay, number 10 was made up, but my frustration level did reach a 9, and a 9 ou to 10 is pretty serious.  I better take it easy for a couple days or I might blow a gasket.
Tags: angry, bolt, broken, crap, dumb, engine, nasty, other, stupid, tap, words
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