gthing (gthing) wrote,

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The art of sleep

It's late and I can't sleep.  So I am going to tell you all a story.  It's called "What Sam did today - in awesome-o vision."  This story is based on real events, but I changed things a bit to make it more like a hollywood production, and less like my life.

10:30 - Went to work

I work as a copywriter for an internet retailer.  Today nobody was there.  They has all gone snowboarding/skiing/snowdogging/whatever.  I was all by my lonesome.  So I invited over a bunch of friends and we threw a fat party in the warehouse.  There were about 300 people there and fire trucks.  You can always tell a good party by the firetrucks.

3:45 - Left work

I left a few minutes early so I could make it over to the body shop.  They owed me money, and if they didn't have it for me I was going to take it from them in teeth.  Fortunately, they did have it, because they're a body shop and they make tons of money.  I took a free pen on the way out.

4:30 - Visited the Chiropractor

I see a massage therapist (Jake's cousin) and a chiropractor three times a week.  It's pretty good.  Today the chiropractor tried to break my neck.  I flipped backwards and knocked him out.  When he awoke, he was strapped to the adjustment table and I had glued his eyes open watching LOST.  His brain soon melted.  I did many more rad flips.  I took a free candy on the way out.

5:15-6:30 - Shopping

Being up in Orem, and having plans at 6:30 I found a gap in my schedule.  I didn't want to drive home, yet I didn't have anything better to do.  I decided to go shopping.  Since I am freakishly tall, nothing fit and I got frustrated.  I hopped on my private jet to go visit all the major player in the fashion industry.  I made them eat cat poo until they promised to make clothes for tall skinny people.  Then Lenny Kravitz wanted to borrow my jet, so I took my helicopter home.

6:30 - Band Practice

I plugged my bass into my wireless transmitter and stood outside in the fresh air during practice.  It was dark and I could see some movement in the bushes.  Before I knew it, I was under attack by a gang of mis-guided ninjas who hated rock and roll.  I kicked all their butts with my fists of fury, and didn't even miss a note in the song.

8:00 - Visited a friend

9:30 - Talked to a friend on the phone

10:00 - Went shopping

I went shopping again, but this time for food.  I made a deal with my room mates to rotate who buys parashible items (bread, milk, cheese, etc.)  Jake ousted himself from the cheese rotation because he only likes what he calls "American" cheese, which is actually those kraft singles things.  I didn't know anybody actually liked those - I thought they were just for roofing and insulation - who knew? Much food was purchased.

We were followed.

10:45 - Sandwhich

I made myself a sandwhich ... actually two sandwhiches.  They were poisoned, but I actually spent a few years building up an immunity to iocane powder - so it was no big deal.

11:00-2am - In bed

Watched some arrested development, the office, flipped a few channels, surfed the net, was so attention starved that I actually logged into myspace, and now I'm writing this update.  As we speak (and by "we" I mean "I" and by "speak" I mean "write") I can feel something protruding from my chest.  What is that?  Hold on lemme take a closer look .... oh man it's moving ... what the ?  ... oh it hurts!  AHHh!!!!!m  AN alien just popped out of my chest!!!!11!!!1! someone call th epoflk32rewg45!@#$#!#$$#

(carrier dropped)
Tags: random boring crap awesome
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